Thursday, March 15, 2007

Well, I'm single again. Think I might just stay single too. Me and relationships dont seem to work. I'm apperently justy not good enough to stay with. And blogger wanted me to update and to the new account thing, but i trick it and am still using the old. Take that, conglomerate america.


No one knows what its like
To be the bad man
To be the sad man
Behind blue eyes

No one knows what its like
To be hated
To be fated
To telling only lies

But my dreams
They arent as empty
As my conscience seems to be
I have hours, only lonely
My love is vengeance
Thats never free

No one knows what its like
To feel these feelings
Like I do
And I blame you

No one bites back as hard
On their anger
None of my pain and woe
Can show through

But my dreams
They arent as empty
As my conscience seems to be
I have hours, only lonely
My love is vengeance
Thats never free

When my fist clenches, crack it open
Before I use it and lose my cool
When I smile, tell me some bad news
Before I laugh and act like a fool

If I swallow anything evil
Put your finger down my throat
If I shiver, please give me a blanket
Keep me warm, let me wear your coat

No one knows what its like
To be the bad man
To be the sad man
Behind blue eyes

Tuesday, December 19, 2006

memories......they suck

Its been over 7 months since she left. Today would have been our 4 yr anniversy. Recently lots of memories have been going through my head, even when i dream. When we first got together, dates we've been on, basically just a lot of crap. I hate having these memories resurface. All I've wanted to do since she left was to forget, especially now. I'm in a new reltaionship where I'm happy (and not being lied too, thats a bonus) I shouldnt be thinking of such things, but I do. Someone asked me if I would have prefered if she hadnt left, and honestly no, because it would have been a lie. So then why do I still look back? My nightmares have come back, granted i have nightmares everynight, the ones about her are back, which are much worse. I just dont know anymore. It seems like wasted thought thinking about all of this. Its over, and its never going to start again, so why bother wondering or reflecting on it? Someone said it's because I need closure. What the hell is closure anyways? I've never got it from any other relationship, why do I need it now? Its over, and from what i can tell, and hope, me and her will never talk, or see each other again. Isnt that closure?

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

dear diary.....jackpot!!!

So, for the first time in many months, I'm happy. Today was just a great day. I went to southern and hung out with some friends and some new people i've met recently. I finally got a chance to get to know this freshman girl. She's a bit young, but i really like her. I also talked to the guy who hit me, and i'll have my money by friday. Overall it was just a good day. I really enjoyed talking to the freshman.

Monday, September 11, 2006

worst yr ever

so, went to the beach the other day, tussy was cold so i let her borrow my trenchcoat, which was my grandfathers. it was put on a table near our sandels and needless to say, someone stole it. I'm upset, but not really cuz i've just accepted that since this is the worst yr of my life, things will only get worse. And I expect more bad things to happen. But, no matter how crappy this yr gets, i will live through it, just to laugh at it and say i beat it. Sigh. Also, things keep popping up to remind of what i've lost. It was a friends journal entry that made me realize this. she accidently labled it december 19th. what a coincidence, eh? I want to forget, but it seems i'm cursed to remember. If i try to forget, something will appear to make me remember. but life goes on....down the shitter, but none the less it goes on.

And, I leave you with this: All it takes is one bad day to reduce the sanest man alive to lunacy.

Saturday, September 09, 2006

gime? whats a gime?

So, I saw my bro the other day, been a long time. He's apperantly been going to the gym alot. Now I'm the fat brother. Oh well. I went and signed up with him, and oh mylanta, its been a while since i worked out. I am sore all over. But suprisingly, I was able to keep up with him. Lift the same as him, as long as him. Well, except when it came to shoulder squats. I tried to keep up, but my shoulder kept popping out. Oh well. Going back tomorrow. Must get the moosle back.

Wednesday, August 30, 2006

crashy

So i'm driving down my street, minding my own business, when someone decides to fly backwards out of a driveway. Joy. When it hits me, i just slowy put the car in park, and sigh. I open my door, and next to me is my bumper. I sigh again. I look, bumper gone, side slightly dented in, and just sigh some more. This is my luck. So no point in being upset anymore. I mean I'm fine, and thats all that matters. So, i get the guys info, he says he'll pay for everything, just to call him with the amount it'll cost. So, soon i gotta go to my cousins garage and get the estimate. I need to sort my life out, thats all. Wish i could take a nice trip to canada and just relax. It'd be nice. Oh well, gotta suffer here in the states for now. Maybe next summer.

Thursday, August 17, 2006

zah

Havent posted in a while. Guess my life is still the same. Got denied a promotion, yet again. Confused about where to go now, and what to do. Overall though, i guess you can say i'm content. I wish i had a/c though. Its nice...... yup..... got nothing else to say i think.